Eager
for the Lord’s revelations, I have been studying the book of Esther with some
of God’s warrior princesses. As we have
been digging into the story of this beautiful and courageous woman of the
Bible, I reflect on what God is saying and not saying on these pages of the
Scripture. And on these pages, I am
embarrassed to admit that I (unfortunately) see more of myself in Haman than I
would want to think.
Maybe
I am not alone on this. Maybe most of
us, if not all of us, can identify with Haman’s obsession of himself.
Like
Haman, we can become self-absorbed constantly wrought with ourselves --- our
strengths and our weaknesses, our successes and our failures, our past, our
present, and our future --- invariably plagued with either wanting to be
honored or wanting to be invisible in a crowd.
In both cases, we have narrowed our focus on ourselves. And like Haman, we can easily jump into
presumptions that honor or disgrace is ours when certain situations arise. God help us!
Pride
is so destructive and so subtle that at times we can be so consumed by it we
don’t even realize it has taken us captive.
It can also take different forms and manifest itself in different areas
of our lives. To esteem ourselves
extremely high or extremely low is a characterization of the condition of our
hearts and how the lies of the enemy have taken root in our lives.
God
has shown me through this study that I suffer from this dangerous condition. And I am grateful that He has shown me this
so I can begin the process of breaking free from it. It will not be an easy undertaking, but I know
that with His truths I can begin walking victoriously free from this bondage.
I keep a prayer journal so I can look back and see how God is working in my
life. Below is a prayer (using
Colossians 2:18) I wrote to Him a few days ago as I continue the battle with
pride.
“Forgive me, Father, for the
wickedness in my heart and the pride that I have allowed to consume me. I pray, dear Lord, let no one cheat me of my
reward, let me not take delight in false humility and worship of angels, and
may I not be vainly puffed up by my fleshly mind. Help me to break free from the stronghold of
my pride and self-righteousness. Help me
to live my life victorious over these, open to love others as You love them;
and to have Your wisdom.” (January 29,
2013, Journal Entry)
I
am sharing what God has revealed to me not so that I can embarrass myself, but
because I want you to know that God is not going to leave you just the way you
are right now. He is doing a work to
perfect you and to help you grow more as His child. During one of the study times with the book
of Esther, He showed me this verse that really spoke volumes to my heart.
“In God is my salvation and my
glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God.” (Psalm 62:7)
Indeed,
in God is my salvation and my glory! Indeed,
in God is my strength and my refuge! No
one else can give me what I truly need but Him.
This world is so fickle-minded and can quickly change from being for you
to being against you. I love the way
Beth Moore said something about following Mordecai’s example of not allowing
honor to get in your head.
“Let’s pursue a walk with God so
close that the spotlights of this world --- be they for us or against us ---
are eclipsed by His enormous shadow cast on our path. There in the shelter of the Most High we find
our significance and the only satisfaction of our insatiable need to be
noticed. There and there alone we are
free to be neither depressed nor impressed with the capricious reactions of
this carnal world.” (Beth Moore, Esther: It’s Tough Being A Woman)
Oh,
I pray this over you sister! I pray that
you and I walk so closely with our God that whatever honor or disgrace this
world may offer us is going to be overshadowed by His presence.
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